You will get there. But right now you are here. And here is beautiful.

 

It's a full moon tonight. It's been a while since I've journaled. Life happens, but today I feel called. My energy has been sucked dry this week. Either because of my cycle, Mercury is in retrograde, my hormones are outta wack. All may be true. I have anxiety today -- two possible interviews I'm waiting to hear back on. 

What am I feeling? Uncertainty...fear maybe? My chest feels tight and heavy. I need to revert back to "I release the fear of slowing down"... I'm trying to speed up again. 

I'm anxious because I care.
I'm stepping forward.
I'm nervous about an outcome. 

But, what will be ... will be. 

I will get there. But right now I am here. And here is beautiful. 

Stop future chasing.

Right now...

My boys are little
My house is loud
We are growing. I am growing
I am imperfect
I am tired
But I am trying

And this messy. anxious. hormonal. in-between season. funk. Is not a waiting room.

It's the life.

The anxiety is "there" energy. Come back to the present. Come back to now. 

The exhaustion? That's the cost of trying to hold the future in my body.

You will get there. But right now you are here. 

Why am I rushing toward that that is stealing me from this moment?

I am here. Now. I am here. I am here. I am present. 

And here is beautiful. I am grateful.