When the Pull Doesn’t Make Sense Yet

 

This morning, I felt heavy.

Maybe more tired than heavy. Not devastated. Not falling apart. Just heavy or tired.

My body felt off. My energy felt dense. I felt like I needed to clear something, but I didn’t fully understand what. I had already been thinking about doing a cleansing with my selenite or Palo Santo, but there was also this very specific pull to go to the crystal shop.

And I didn’t really know why.

That was the part that felt strange.

I kept asking myself, “Why do I need to go?”

I knew I had lost my very first bracelet from there, the one that I believe was labradorite and amethyst. That bracelet felt important because it was one of the first pieces connected to this whole journey. Labradorite for transformation and intuition. Amethyst for calm, spiritual connection, and protection. Losing it felt like something, but I couldn’t quite name what.

I also knew I wanted another solid amethyst ring. Amethyst has been such a recurring theme for me — rings breaking, disappearing, returning, breaking again — like this stone keeps showing up around completion, intuition, and spiritual support.

But beyond that, I didn’t know what I was going for.
Maybe a bracelet.
Maybe a ring.
Maybe a message.

Maybe protection.
Maybe Ms. Jade.
Maybe all of it.
Either way, I went.
And I’m so glad I did.

The Pull Was the Message

I think sometimes we want the reason before we take the step.

We want to know exactly why we feel called somewhere. We want the explanation before the action. We want the confirmation before we move.

But today reminded me that sometimes the “why” only reveals itself after we listen. Clarity does not come before action. It comes from action. 

I didn’t go to the crystal shop with a perfect plan. I went because my body felt heavy and tired, my intuition felt activated, and something in me said, “Go.”

That alone feels like growth.

A few months ago, I might have talked myself out of it. I might have told myself I was being silly or dramatic or impulsive. I might have thought, “You don’t need anything. Don’t go.” I might have ignored the pull because it didn’t make logical sense.

But today I trusted it. And the moment I got there, things started to unfold. I asked if Brenda was doing readings, she was available right then and I went back right away. She was called to the butterfly oracle cards. 

The First Reading: Release and Return to Yourself

She did a spread for me, and the first thing that stood out was how clearly the cards reflected what I had been feeling.

The overall message felt like:

Clear the heaviness. Protect your energy. Move your body. Trust your intuition. Raise your standards. Step into the next version of yourself with courage and joy.

There were cards like:

Letting Go

Awakening Your True Self

Vacation - which I'm in the middle of 👀

Look Inside Yourself

Higher Consciousness

Body Movement

Self-Reliance

Raising Your Standards

Feeling Safe

Breaking Free

Kick Up Your Heels

Inner Power 💪

Kindness

Make Music

That whole spread felt like a mirror. It had such a strong “release and return to yourself” energy.

Let go. Awaken your true self. Move your body. Raise your standards. Feel safe. Break free. Find joy. Be kind.

Trust your inner power. 💜

It felt so aligned with what happened before I even walked into the shop. I had woken up heavy or feeling tired. I had felt like something needed to move. I didn’t know if I needed cleansing, grounding, guidance, or action.

And the cards seemed to say:

Yes. All of it.

Release what is heavy. Come back into your body. Raise your energy. Remember who you are.

That felt important because I think I’ve been learning that heaviness is not always something to analyze forever. Sometimes it needs to be moved. Sometimes it needs breath, body, music, kindness, and action. Sometimes it needs a reminder that I am safe to shift out of it.

The Second Reading: Protection, Boundaries, and the Unseen

The second spread felt even more directly connected to this season of my life.

I saw cards like:

Air

Fire

Full Moon 

Friendship

Courage

Jealousy / evil eye energy

Veiled

Past Life

Nature Spirits

Good Fortune

Boundaries

Shift

Talisman

Earth

This one felt loud in a different way.

It felt like the cards were speaking to everything that has been happening around me lately: the Blue Moon, the cruise, the woman I met at the bar, the evil eye symbols, the witch’s knot ring, the reminder to protect my bracelets and crystals, the message about not letting people touch my energy, and the black tourmaline I felt called to get again.

It was almost like the second spread said:

Protect your energy. Stay grounded. Trust the unseen. Let the shift happen.

The “Jealousy” / evil eye energy card stood out immediately because of the woman I met on the cruise. She was wearing evil eye symbols on her hat, earrings, and necklace. She was the one who told me not to let people touch my crystals or bracelets. She told me I needed to protect my energy and cleanse my pieces if someone did touch them.

Then in this reading, here were cards showing up around protection, talisman, boundaries, earth, and unseen energy.

That felt like confirmation. Not in a fear-based way. More like a loving reminder:

Your energy matters.
Your boundaries matter.
The things you wear and carry with intention matter.
Not everyone needs access to what is sacred to you.

The Mayan Cards: Heart, Power, Balance, and Charm

There were also Mayan-style cards in the reading that really stood out to me which she pulled on her own. She must have felt called to because of the past lives card she pulled. 

Chicchan — Charismatic Charm

This felt like magnetic energy. Like the way certain people, conversations, signs, teachers, and moments keep finding me lately. I don’t mean that in an ego way. I mean it in a “my awareness is open, and life is responding” kind of way.

I have been having these moments where strangers don’t feel like strangers. Conversations go deep quickly. Symbols show up repeatedly. People say things that give me chills. Something about my energy feels more open, and I feel like I am noticing more.

Chicchan felt like a reminder that when I am aligned, present, and open, I attract what is meant to find me.

Tecpatl — Internal Strength & Power

This felt like the “you already have what you need” card
Strength.
Discernment.
Boundaries.
Courage.

This card felt grounding because sometimes I look outside of myself for confirmation. I want someone to tell me I am doing it right. I want signs to validate the path. I want reassurance that I’m not imagining the shift happening in me.

But this card felt like a reminder that the strength is already inside me. I can receive messages and guidance without giving my power away.

Acatl — Live from the Heart

This one felt so connected to everything I have been practicing lately.

Always returning to love.
Motherhood.
Repair.
Compassion.
Forgiveness.
Softening.
Opening my heart without abandoning myself.
That last part matters.

Living from the heart does not mean having no boundaries. It does not mean carrying everyone. It does not mean ignoring my own needs. It means allowing love to be the place I return to, while still staying rooted in truth.

Quiahuitl — Balance, Creativity & Practicality

This card felt like my Master Builder 22 energy.

Yes, there is spirituality.
Yes, there is intuition.
Yes, there are crystals, cards, symbols, dreams, moon rituals, and moments that feel divinely timed.

But there is also real life.

Motherhood.
Business.
Work.
Structure.
Writing.
Creation.
Action.

This card felt like a reminder that I am not meant to just float in the spiritual side of things. I am meant to ground it. Build with it. Create from it. Let it become something real in my life.

That feels like such a big theme for me right now.
The spiritual is not separate from the practical.
The intuitive is not separate from the work.
The healing is not separate from the building.
It is all connected.

The Bracelets I Chose

I ended up getting two bracelets.
One was carnelian, citrine, and sunstone.
The other was rhodochrosite.

I also got another little piece of black tourmaline.

And when I think about those choices, they make so much sense.

The carnelian, citrine, and sunstone bracelet feels like fire, action, vitality, confidence, abundance, joy, motivation, and forward movement.

That bracelet feels like the part of me that is saying:

Move.
Create.
Build.
Trust yourself.
Let yourself be seen.
Let yourself receive.
Stop waiting until you feel completely ready.
Take the next step.

It feels like the energetic opposite of the heaviness I woke up with. Not because it ignores the heaviness, but because it helps move it. It feels like a bracelet for action after processing. A bracelet for life after reflection. A bracelet for the version of me who is no longer willing to stay stuck in the feeling forever.

The rhodochrosite bracelet feels completely different. It feels like heart medicine. Softness. Self-love. Emotional healing. Inner child healing. Motherhood. Tenderness. Compassion.

It feels like the part of me that is still learning to be gentle with myself. The part of me that needs to remember that I can grow without punishing myself. I can heal without judging myself. I can love deeply and still need rest. I can be a mother and still be a human being who is learning.

That bracelet feels like the heart.
The other one feels like the fire.
And I think I needed both.
Fire and heart.
Action and softness.
Movement and compassion.
Confidence and healing.
Forward momentum and tenderness.

The black tourmaline made sense too. Especially after the cards around boundaries, talisman, earth, and protection. Especially after the conversation on the cruise. Especially after being told to protect my energy and cleanse my crystals.

Black tourmaline feels like the anchor.

The reminder that I can be open and protected.

Soft and grounded.
Loving and boundaried.
Spiritual and practical.

Why I Think I Was Called There

Looking back, I don’t think I was called to the crystal shop just to buy something.

I think I was called there because I needed confirmation.
I needed clearing.
I needed protection.
I needed a reset.
I needed to be reminded that my body was telling the truth when it said something needed to move.
I needed to remember that I am shifting, but I am safe.
I needed both fire and heart.
I needed action and softness.
I needed protection and trust.
I needed to be witnessed.

There is something powerful about being in a space where the language of symbols, stones, cards, and intuition is understood. I didn’t have to explain why I felt heavy or tired. I didn’t have to justify why I felt called there. I didn’t have to make it all sound logical.

I could just arrive as I was.

Open. Curious. A little heavy. A little tired. A little unsure. And willing to listen.

The Message I’m Taking With Me

The message I’m taking from all of this is simple, but not small:

Trust the pull.
Not every pull means buy something.
Not every pull means take dramatic action.
Not every pull needs to be understood immediately.
Sometimes the pull is just an invitation.

Go there.
Listen.
Notice.
Ask.
Receive.
Pause.
Move.
Cleanse.
Protect.
Remember.

Today reminded me that I don’t always need to know the reason before I take the next step. Clarity doesn't come before action. Clarity comes from action. 

Sometimes the next step reveals the reason.
Sometimes the body knows before the mind catches up.
Sometimes heaviness is not a problem to solve, but energy asking to be moved.
Sometimes the confirmation comes through cards.
Sometimes through crystals.
Sometimes through a stranger at a bar.
Sometimes through a bracelet.
Sometimes through the simple feeling of leaving lighter than you arrived.

And I did feel lighter.

I felt clearer.
I felt more grounded.
I felt like the heaviness had shifted.
I felt like I had received what I needed.
Not because everything was magically fixed.
But because I listened.

And today, that feels like the real transformation.